his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
