Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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