Umm I'm too high to move.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
