we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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