you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
