Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
