apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
