I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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