It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
