Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
