i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
