I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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