Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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