peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
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