so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
