No awkward lesbian experiences without me
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
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