Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I feel like death gave me a hand job
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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