I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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