I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
