you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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