The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
