Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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