Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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