just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
