Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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