whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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