She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
