i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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