Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
