I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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