Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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