Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
