So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
