i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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