No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
