good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
