I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
