What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
