im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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