I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
