i jhust puked up my retainher.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
