Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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