Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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