Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
