do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
