Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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