**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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