Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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