WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
