I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
