Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
