so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
